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The Antelope

The Antelope

The Antelope

How to survive the rest of the spring semester

CASSIE BROWN / ANTELOPE STAFF Procrastination helps students save time and encourages students to work efficiently.

In spring, students lose focus and motivation. Luckily, as a certified college student expert, I have some advice for all UNK students that is fool-proof to get them to the end of the semester.

To do three weeks of work in three hours, procrastinate until there is no other option. In the end, time and effort will be saved — efficiency is the key to success!

Why strive for As and Bs when everyone knows Cs and Ds get degrees? Don’t put in the extra work . Go ahead and claim a 5.0 GPA because UNK goes by a five-star review process now. This will make graduates seem extra smart and ahead of their time.

When emailing professors, make sure to always address them by their first name. This will make student appear more relatable — and who couldn’t use another friend? Even when they say not to call them that, keep doing it; that’s what friends do.

When going to any athletic event, always make sure to root for the other team. Everyone will want to be friends  with the student who stands out as the quirky and different crowd member. Also, make sure to harass Louie the Loper; he’s a menace and a distraction to all the players. He. Must. Be. Stopped.

When nature calls, make sure to raise your hand and announce that you will be departing from the class. When returning, announce yourself yet again, and have the professor fill you in on what you missed in the five minutes you were gone. This shows that you take your education very seriously and don’t want to miss information.

When deciding on studying or going to a party, remember: you can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party with your friends. Knowing your priorities will help you make it to the end of the semester in record time.

Lastly, and most importantly, disregard all the foolish advice given in this article. Happy April Fools’.

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