lofshulthj@lopers.unk.edu

UNK’s Cope Fountain, previously a source of controversy amongst students, is getting another new look. After years under construction to construct the splash pad, students and administrators alike are saying it’s time for a water park.

Faculty believes this move will be beneficial to students.

 “They’ve waited this long,” said Lexie Powell, project manager. “They can wait a bit longer.”

The park will feature 27 water slides along with two lazy rivers amongst other delights.

Slides will connect dorms to most buildings on campus. Management hopes these will help students get to class on time, along with encouraging students to go to class at all.

“This is the perfect way to wake up in the morning,” Powell said. “Easily beats any alarm clock I’ve ever had.”

Every sidewalk on campus will be replaced with a lazy river. Officials say this can help with traffic issues while getting to classes.

Innertubes will be available at any building around campus. 

“We’ll be requiring students to sign liability waivers if they’d like to ride with a friend,” said Lexiy Powell, dean of water aquatics. “We take safety very seriously.”

The dining hall is getting a renovation of its own.

 “We’re turning the cafeteria into a lazy river,” Powell said. “All you have to do is grab a tube and a tray. It’s a lot less stress on our cafeteria faculty and a more relaxing environment for students.”

 Of course, the plan is not without its flaws.

 “We’ll have a strict no swimming rule in the cafeteria,” Powell said. “Cramps are serious business.”

Students have mixed feelings about the project.

“Why was this necessary,” said Lexy Powell, a senior theatre major. “Why couldn’t we just keep it the way it was? I knew a kid once who got stuck in a waterslide for like two days. They had to send pizza down the tube to keep him fed. That’s going to happen here in 25 minutes tops.”

Others seemed to show immense excitement for the project, such as Lexie Powell, a freshman biology major, who simply screamed for 15 minutes straight.

The renovation is set to begin at the most inconvenient time and quite possibly never end.