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The Antelope

The Antelope

The Antelope

Untold secrets that UNK doesn’t want students to know

The truth is we don’t know any secrets, that’s what makes them secret.  Not saying there aren’t any, but If there is, someone out there should get their Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Gadget or Ace Ventura on and please let us know if you find something good — and take some photos while you’re at it!    

Not that we want one, but if there’s a scandal, some shady business or anything fishy going on, we need to cover it first.  We need an inside man or woman out there.  If that sounds like free labor, it is.  Trust us, we know, breeding has us working to the bone.

Anyhow, you know where to find us.  On second thought, I heard no one actually knows where the Mitchell Center is.  Which is kind of sad…But that’s okay, we want to stay underground, incognito — under the radar.

Let’s get back on track.  As much as we would like to do some mystery digging or write more wacky articles like this, we’re only allowed this one issue to do so.  The higher ups kind of want us to do some actual news reporting.

So, on behalf of the student staff at the Antelope we thank you for your participation and having a good sense of humor.  We hope you had a good laugh or two and if you didn’t, well, we’re going back to our day jobs next week. Promise. Happy April Fools’ Day and stay alert for those real pranksters out there.

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