As the editorial board of The Antelope, we have decided there should be no school newspaper. 

It is with deep sorrow that we announce the end of The Antelope era.

We have put a lot of thought into this decision, but we know it is for the best. The Antelope staff members are try-hards and know too much. As a result, UNK students are too informed about what is happening on campus. We don’t know what we were thinking, letting students know about all the campus changes and events.

We apologize for the negative impacts this has had on our fellow Lopers. We will be better.

Our team also asks too much of people, sending emails left and right to campus officials, organization members and other students. We are sorry for bothering anyone who has ever been interviewed for the newspaper. It’s an inconvenience, and we should have known better. Giving others a voice isn’t worth being a bother.

Our staff is taking this as an opportunity for growth. Understanding and patience during this time would be much appreciated.

At this point, the newsroom is a waste of space. For a group of try-hards, our team sure knows how to take up space. Our newsroom could be used better for something else – maybe even as another study room. Did you hear that they now require filling out an emotional support application? We aren’t sure who reported that news, but maybe don’t believe them.

With the dissolution of The Antelope student newspaper set in stone, we have another idea on how to use the old room where the bumfuzzled reporters worked.

If one thing can bring people together, it’s food.

The shutdown of Louie’s Diner in 2024 left a gap in food options on campus. Using the newsroom for a new dining hall is the perfect opportunity. We even did a test run in March. The back room was turned into a pizzeria by our trusty adviser.

Since our adviser will no longer have a newspaper staff to deal with, he will have loads of time on his hands. He can easily take on the role of head chef for a new dining hall in what used to be the newsroom. Being in the library, it is also centrally located on campus – perfect for hungry Lopers.

Whether it is in between classes or taking a break from studying, students would “eat up” having a new dining hall.

While we are sad to say goodbye to The Antelope, our sacrifice is worth it. Ending an over 100-year-old history documenting resource is not a big deal. We have always been for the students, and this is just another way we are called to demonstrate it. Enjoy the new dining room Lopers! 

Oh, and happy April Fools’ Day. 

DISCLAIMER: This story is a part of our annual April Fools’ issue, this story is not real. Happy April Fools’ Day!