With many renovations and construction projects coming to a close, UNK is always working on improvements. At The Antelope, we’re all about making UNK the best place it can be for students. 

In light of that, we’ve compiled a few suggestions for policy changes to help our fellow Lopers. 

Electric scooters should be banned.

One of our own staff members has been run over by one. The culprit didn’t even stop to say sorry. That’s reason enough to get rid of them.

If that’s not an option, scooter driving lessons would be a great option. Scooters might seem uncomplicated to maneuver, but we thought the same thing before our staff member became the victim of a scooter accident. 

Introduce Wet Wednesdays.

College is stressful, so we suggest having “Wet Wednesdays” each week. Imagine how much students could unwind with a one-hour period each week to pop the drinks back and relax. 

Ban water bottles that don’t fit in backpacks.

Water bottles that don’t fit in backpacks are an inconvenience. Let’s get rid of them.

Everyone must drink milk with their breakfast.

Duh. 

Side dish rules.

Might as well make a side of cottage cheese, tomatoes and anchovies mandatory as well. Everyone needs to start eating cottage cheese religiously. 

Humming, yawning and sneezing banned in classrooms.

We get loads of sleep as college kids. There’s no reason to be yawning in class. There are only a few tunes that sound good when hummed, so we better just get rid of the action altogether. Might as well throw sneezing in as well. Not only would this help our campus stay healthy, but it would get rid of many classroom distractions as well. 

Kings Buffet addition.

Now that Long John Silvers is no longer replacing Chick-fil-A, we think there is one other option that could work – King’s Buffet. The buffet style of dining seen at The Graze is successful. With this line of thinking, King’s Buffet would be a big hit for students. 

All fries served on campus must be smiley fries.

A mood booster and delicious. Think about the kids. 

Ban headphones.

Safety over enjoyment. Headphones make it hard to hear one’s surroundings. It would be in students’ best interests to ban headphone use when walking to class. There’s plenty of other time in the day to listen to music.

Everyone must live on campus.

We’re all for “Power of the Herd.” Having all students live on campus would increase our sense of community and make us a true Loper herd.

Move quiet hours to 8 p.m.

As students, we like our beauty sleep. Moving quiet hours up sooner will allow us to get our rest and prevent any noisy distractions from occurring. 

Create one-minute TikTok lectures.

It can be hard to retain everything learned during lecture. We suggest creating one-minute TikTok videos to go with lectures to provide students with more engaging learning opportunities.

DISCLAIMER: This story is a part of our annual April Fools’ issue, this story is not real. Happy April Fools’ Day!