delgadosandovals@lopers.unk.edu
Louie the Loper, UNK’s beloved mascot, has been accused of running a secret side hustle that has left students both amused and horrified. According to multiple sources, Louie has been secretly collecting and selling feet pictures of students for an alleged profit.
The allegations surfaced after an anonymous student, who wishes to remain unnamed for fear of retaliation, stumbled upon a peculiar request in their student email. The email, allegedly from Louie himself, read: “Hey there, fellow Loper! We’re conducting a very important research project on student foot health. Please submit high-quality photos of your feet – both soles and toes – for analysis. Best angles get extra credit!”
“I thought it was a joke at first,” the anonymous student said. “But then I saw my friend had the same email, and then my whole dorm, and then like half the campus.”
The so-called “Loper Feet Research Initiative” quickly unraveled as students started noticing their photos mysteriously appearing on obscure corners of the internet, particularly on niche websites with names like “HorsesHoof’n’HumanToes” and “LoperLoversFeetOnly.”
“I knew something was up when I saw a picture of my own foot being advertised as ‘UNK Golden Boy Toes, Size 10, Soft as Prairie Grass,’” said Sal Monella, a sophomore puppet arts major. “I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the fact that my foot is out there or that someone is actually paying for it.”
UNK initially dismissed the rumors as a harmless prank gone too far. However, as evidence mounted, officials were forced to acknowledge the scandal.
“We take student privacy very seriously,” said Anita Bath, a UNK spokesperson. “While we support Louie’s entrepreneurial spirit, this particular endeavor does not align with the University’s core values. We are launching an internal investigation.”
Attempts to reach Louie for comment were unsuccessful. Sources say he has been “laying low,” possibly hiding out in the costume storage or around campus. Still, some students have come to Louie’s defense, arguing that his actions were simply a misguided attempt at financial stability in an increasingly tough economy.
“Tuition is rising, and let’s be real – Louie doesn’t exactly have a lucrative career outside of game days,” said Ali Gaither, senior economics major. “Can we really blame him for trying to capitalize on an untapped market? Supply and demand, baby.”
Others, however, remain unsettled.
“I trusted him,” said Neil Down, freshman floral management major. “I high-fived him at the pep rally. I took selfies with him, and the whole time, he was just thinking about my feet?”
In the wake of the controversy, the university has taken steps to prevent future “unorthodox” fundraising efforts from its mascot. An official statement reminded all students that any university-related research requests must come from a verified faculty member and should not involve unsolicited foot photography.
Meanwhile, the local business community has seen a spike in sales of socks, closed-toe shoes and foot masks as students scramble to protect their podiatric privacy.
As for Louie’s fate, university officials have not yet disclosed whether disciplinary action will be taken. In the meantime, students have started a petition titled “No Feet, No Foul” to show their support for their fallen mascot, while others have launched a counter-campaign calling for a full investigation, dubbed “Stop The Stomp.”
Whether Louie will be forced to retire or be allowed to keep his hooves in the game remains to be seen. One thing is for certain – UNK will never look at their mascot or their feet the same way again.
DISCLAIMER: This story is a part of our annual April Fools’ issue, this story is not real. Happy April Fools’ Day!
