tighegd@lopers.unk.edu
UNK Athletic Director Bark Meower announced his immediate resignation on Tuesday. Meower, who has served as the athletic director since 2018, is resigning to pursue a career in acting.
He got his first taste of acting playing Coach Bolton in the Crane River Theater’s production of High School Musical this summer.
“I have been on an acting high ever since that production,” Meower said to the media as he was putting his bags in his car to leave. “Nothing in this athletic department gives me the same exhilarating feeling that playing Coach Bolton gave me this summer. The moment I realized that is the moment I made this decision.”
He is leaving immediately for Hollywood. Meower’s love for movies made him decide to go west instead of east for Broadway. With a mini closet of over 3,000 DVDs in his home, he has plenty of time to study countless hours of Hollywood acting.
Meower takes a lot of inspiration from Meryl Streep, whose film “Mamma Mia!” has influenced him tremendously in this decision.
“Her performance is exhilarating,” Meower said. “The way she moves and dances in that film. It’s utterly brilliant. It brings me to tears every time I watch it.”
Sources have confirmed that Meower has already been tabbed for the role of Mr. Miyagi in a remake of “The Karate Kid.” Meower declined to comment on the situation, but has stated many times in the past his love for Netflix’s “Cobra Kai.”
The UNK athletic department is now looking to replace Meower with Hollywood talent in an attempt to take a key member away from their industry. Somebody with both athletic and acting experience would be the ideal fit.
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Dave Bautista both declined the offer. John Cena met with UNK Chancellor Pug Dripensen, but the meeting fell through because Dripensen could not see Cena.
“He wasn’t even there,” Dripensen said. “I heard a knock at the door. Opened it. Then I got picked up and thrown to the ground. All I heard was ‘you can’t see me’ then there was nothing.”
The nationwide search continues for UNK’s ninth athletic director as the department has interviews lined up with Adam Sandler, Jack Black, Michael B. Jordan and Jason Sudeikis.
Sudeikis’ coaching experience with London’s AFC Richmond on “Ted Lasso” intrigues many UNK coaches.
“Anytime you can get a fake English Premier League coach in your department it’s a good thing,” said women’s soccer coach Bob Reton. “I might just hire him as an assistant coach if he doesn’t get the athletic director job.”
In Meower’s five years as athletic director, he’s added men’s tennis, surfing, hot dog eating and ice hockey programs to UNK. He was a major implementer in getting a UNK athletics private plane as well as the Ernest Grundy Tennis Center.
“I’ve accomplished a lot here,” Meower said. “I just know that I can accomplish so much more with an acting career in Hollywood and finally achieve my lifelong dream of winning an Oscar.”
